Advice for the Over-50 Crowd

Gayle Lagman-Creswick | Mar 18, 2013, midnight

Dear Old Bag: I enjoy your column and was very happy for you to hip women upon paying their own way on dates, or at least offering to share the high cost of entertainment. Yes, we wanted equality which means pay for your own! I would like you to take on another challenging issue.

I am a 62-year-old—single by choice—Latina woman who is sick and tired of people thinking (more like emoting) that I am single in order to chase their men. I am single because my sister was heavily abused for many years till he murdered her. I am single because I lost the love of my life when I was 25, and never met anyone else I could find so easy to love. Getting my education while working full time, intervened, and there was little time to date. I am also single because I became tired of men who dated me seeming to want a cook, maid and sex object, and it seemed to be all about them. I see too many men who are not mature in their thinking.

It gets really old to have gossipers pointing the finger at me, because I am independent and go many places alone...including European travel...Frankly, I have high standards and wouldn’t want most of the men available at my age, or anyone’s husband, in whom I have no interest. In fact, throughout my life, friends’ husbands have offered themselves to me, as if I would lower myself to that.

I am not denying that that I would love to have a loving, decent, intelligent, warm companion...Not all single women are out there just “runnin’ around,” chasing men.

Please help raise awareness of this. The best advice I could offer anyone is “Don’t jump in too soon, and then have it blow up in your face. Respect yourself if you want a man or woman to respect you back!” Signed, Peace On My Own

Dear Peace On My Own: Wow, I am glad you got that off your chest. It appears you must have had a bad experience with some married women. I was single for 20 years and was lucky that my girlfriends and their husbands adopted me to go along with them on many occasions. None of their husbands offered themselves to me and I am sure it was never on their minds. You did not say how many friends you have. I spent my 20 years single enjoying all my friends. There were married men (not the husbands of my friends) who approached me, and I told them to go home to their wives. Part of me says that you may be too “picky.” The other part of me says you have to “kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince.” You should also keep in mind that women who have wandering husbands often keep a tight rein on them.

And like any good watch dog, they will bark when you get too close! Signed, O.B.

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