The Old Bag: Advice for the Over-50 Crowd
Sep 16, 2013, 6 a.m.
Dear Old Bag: Is it judgmental to call someone who habitually lies “a liar”?
Is it judgmental to call someone who steals “a thief”? Is it judgmental to call someone “a pornographer” who sexually exploits women and children? Is it judgmental to call someone “a murderer” who takes the life of an innocent person? Is it judgmental to call someone “a fornicator” who participates in a sexual relationship outside the bounds of a heterosexual marriage? You made reference to the account in the gospel of John, Chapter Eight, of the woman brought to Jesus who had committed adultery. After Jesus told her He did not condemn her, He also told her to go and sin no more. A true friend will speak the truth to you in love. Signed, RLS
Dear RLS: You bring up good points. As I have admitted before, I am not a Bible scholar. I also strive to live a clean life. I do believe in the 10 Commandments. In my many years I have also seen situations which I will call the gray areas of life, such as the two letters written to me regarding the relationships that formed between two visitors of Alzheimer’s patients in a nursing home. In the gray areas, I am glad that I do not have to judge them or throw stones at them. I pray for them. Please see letter below. Signed, O.B.
Dear Old Bag: My wife has been an Alzheimer’s resident of a nursing home for five years. She is only 60 years old. I was shocked one day when I went to visit her, to see her holding hands with another gentleman, who also appears also to have Alzheimer’s. She seemed so happy. She was looking at him lovingly, and he to her. They both were friendly to me. It took me a bit to think about this. Was she sinning? I don’t think so. She is very ill and does not even know her name or mine. My thinking became, “If this little bit of happiness comes her way and can make her smile and be happy again, I am all for it.” I do not mind playing second fiddle! God bless them! Signed, Second Fiddle
Dear Second Fiddle: You sound like a wonderful fellow with much love in your heart. Your wife is living in her world now, and you are letting her catch a little sunshine. I am with you. Signed, O.B.
Dear Old Bag: I guess you could call my dear husband a home body. He is perfectly happy to stay at home. He does not want to take vacations or to visit relatives or travel. He is a very nice guy and easy to love. We are newly retired and I always thought retirement would be a great thing because we would be footloose and fancy free. He thought retirement would be wonderful so he could stay at home, after having to go to work all those years. What do I do now? Signed, Getting Antsy
Dear Antsy: Interesting. It reminds me of a problem one of my close friends had when we were younger. Her husband had landed a big job, and they were going to be well off. She immediately began planning how she would spend the money, and he began to plan how much they would be able to invest and save! Sometimes, we come to a juncture in life where we realize that as a couple we have opposite notions. It requires lots of understanding and compromise. I also think that your husband may change his mind about staying at home all the time after about a year. I remember how much I enjoyed being at home after years and years in the workplace. I think if you get out and do some things you want to do and are patient with him, he will come around. Good luck. Signed, O.B.
If you have a question for The Old Bag, please send it to: Ask the Old Bag c/o Lovin’ Life After 50, 3200 N. Hayden Road, Suite 210, Scottsdale, AZ 85251 or firstname.lastname@example.org.