The Old Bag: Advice for the Over-50 Crowd
Gayle M. Lagman-Creswick | Feb 17, 2014, midnight
Dear Old Bag: This may seem petty to you, but it has become a sore spot that I am finding it hard to overcome. My husband of 45 years has complained about my food one too many times. The other night we had our neighbors over for dinner and my husband embarrassed me to no end. He said several things, but most notably he said, “What in the world did you put in this sauce? It is not good.” I thought it tasted good and my guests said they liked it and ate it all. I have the feeling that he just wants to embarrass me, and there is nothing wrong with my food. By the way, I have a reputation for being a good cook—maybe that is why it hurts. Signed, Fried
Dear Fried: Maybe I am a spiteful person, but at a comment like that from my husband, that was so uncalled for and embarrassing, I would get up from the table, walk over and retrieve his plate, and scrape it into the garbage disposal, and say, “I am sorry you do not like the food.” Then I would sit down and finish my dinner. Furthermore, I would do that every time he complained about my food. It is hard enough to continue planning meals and cooking after years and years; none of us deserve to be unappreciated! Signed, O.B.
Dear Old Bag: I would like to have your womanly opinion about this: My wife talks on her phone, texts or is on Facebook for at least six hours every day. I think this is excessive. She says it is normal and that it is what other women do. I spend about two hours a day total on my computer...none on cell phone. Don’t you think this is excessive? Signed, Bored
Dear Bored: It sounds like the real problem here is that you are bored without her company? Maybe you should tell her something sweet like, “I really miss you when you spend the day communicating with others.” Or: “Honey, if you could see your way to cut your hours on Facebook, I would take you to lunch and a movie.” Something tells me that she might be spending six hours a day communicating with others because she just might be bored with you? It is a challenge after many years together to keep yourself interesting and not boring to your spouse. You must be creative. Facebook, texting, email, have all given an outlet to people who would otherwise be sitting around twiddling their thumbs. This is the yardstick which I use to measure whether something is an excess: If it is causing problems, it is probably an excess. That goes for eating, drinking, texting, etc. Good luck. Signed, O.B.
Dear Old Bag: I am a widower, newly retired and living in an over 50 community. Since I moved here, I have had a good number of casseroles delivered to my door and have made some pretty good friends. I enjoy the attention but I am not romantically interested in any of these women. However, there is a woman who walks by here every day with her dog that I believe I could like. We have spoken a few times briefly. Now I find out that her husband has Alzheimer’s and is in a facility. Would I be wrong to ask her out? Signed, Tired of Casseroles
Dear Tired: Yikes! All I can say is: Each of us has our own ethics and morality. My morality may not be your morality. If you think I am skirting the issue, I am. If I tell you to ask her out, I will receive “Burn-in-hell letters” from the moralists. If I say, “No, No, Never,” I will hear from the liberals. I say follow your own set of rules, whatever they are. You have to live with yourself. Good luck. I would like to hear how you decide and how it works out. Signed, O.B.
If you have a question for The Old Bag, please send it to: Ask the Old Bag c/o Lovin’ Life After 50, 3200 N. Hayden Road, Suite 210, Scottsdale, AZ 85251 or firstname.lastname@example.org.