Relationships aren’t just about sex
Ask Gabby Gayle
Dear Gabby: I am writing to respond to Mr. and Mrs. in your February column. Mrs. wanted advice regarding intimate relations, which are now out of the question. My response to her is this: it’s not always about sex in a relationship, sometimes the best type of intimacy is where you just lay back, laugh together at the stupidest things, hold each other and enjoy each other’s company. You never know what tomorrow brings.
Dear KR: Thank you for writing. I totally agree with you. I might add that some men feel their value in a relationship is performing. It is up to the loving wives to teach them there is a deeper intimacy!
Dear Gabby: My mom is in a rehab after falling and breaking a hip. This is after a series of other falls. She is insisting on going home to her husband. He is older than she is! We so want to protect her from another nasty fall. Her husband feels he can take care of her. We want her in an assisted living place. She declares she will take her life if we put her there. What do we do?
Signed, Frustrated Daughter
Dear Daughter: I understand your desire to protect your mother. I, however, being an old person myself, know how your mother feels. I may feel the same way. I recommend you read Atul Gawande’s book “Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End.” If your mother wants to spend the homestretch of her life with the one she loves, I say make it possible for her to do that. You will have the peace of mind when she is gone that you let her do it her way! By the way, if she were to go into an assisted living during this pandemic, she would not even be able to have visitors—not even her husband. Plus, she is probably safer at home from the virus, in my opinion. I respect that you love your mother and want what is best for her. It’s just that kids do not always know what is best for parents. Ask yourself the question: Is this plan better for my mother or better for us kids?
Good luck, GG
Dear Gabby: Since we have been quarantined because of COVID-19, I have had such a longing for our family to be close, at least in heart. The trouble is, all but one of my family is alienated from me. We have not been in touch for years. I would not even know if one of them died. This is keeping me awake at night. I cannot bring myself to take the first step because it was not my fault. Any ideas?
Signed, Too Late
Dear Late: It is never too late as long as there is life. Granted that apologizing for something you did not do is difficult. I could not count the times that I apologized for something I did not do or cause. You know why? I learned a long time ago that holding a grudge is like carrying a sack full of bricks. It fouls up your life, your other relationships, your sleep and your well-being. Plus, you are missing out on their lives. Swallow your resentments and get going on this as fast as you can. I wish you Godspeed.
Dear Gabby: I am in a tough spot. I had been dating a woman for a couple weeks when this quarantine hit. She says we can’t date because we need to quarantine. I say we should just move in together and quarantine together. She said it is too soon. I said we don’t even know if we will be here when this is over. What do you think?
Signed, In a Hurry
Dear Hurry: “Haste makes waste?” I agree with your girl. Moving in with someone you have known for two weeks sounds like a recipe for disaster! You can chat and FaceTime and talk on the phone. By the time this is over you may know if you are compatible—or not.