Ask Gabby Gayle Remodeling vs. reality: What works?

By Gayle Lagman-Creswick

Dear Readers: A couple months ago, I heard from a reader who was bemoaning the fact that the men her age on the dating site always wanted younger women. I gave my 2 cents and asked to hear from the men on this topic. This was the best one I received:

Dear Gabby Gayle: Why men want younger women goes back to why we choose mates. Women look at a guy and think: “I can make something of him,” selecting a remodel project, which also explains why nice girls choose “bad boys.”

Guys find a girl they want “just the way she is” expecting she will never change, because he expects to stay young forever. Problems arise because girls change to women, to mothers, then menopause and grandmothers. Guys no longer see the girl they want, so divorce and remarry someone closer to the original model.

Like Hugh Hefner said at 80, he always (and only) liked 18-year-olds. Likewise, women divorce men because they (the men) continually resist being remodeled into someone they never intended to be. Capiche? – Signed, GKR

Dear GKR: I capiche! I would like to argue with you but I can’t, because I think there is a lot of truth in what you say! I would say that I was never a Hugh Hefner fan and the fact that he only liked 18-year-olds makes me a little sick. Your letter points out something very important to me: All of us need to put more thought into mate selection… “Will you still love me when I’m 64?” Let us hear from those who made good choices? Thanks for writing.  ­– Signed, GG

Dear Gabby Gayle: My dad lives with us. He is hard of hearing and won’t wear his hearing aids. I have teenage children whom he criticizes frequently — in their presence. The kids are embarrassed to bring their friends around because they never know what dad will do.

He passes gas whenever he feels like it and thinks nothing of it. He has been known to criticize their friends, too. I wish we had insisted on assisted living before he came to live with us, but now it would be like kicking him out. Can you offer a solution?  – Signed, MR

Dear MR: I agree that this is a sticky situation! I do not advise couples to take in mom or dad, because it rarely works out. If your dad has a nice private room with television and comfy chairs, I suggest that you tell him when the kids have company he needs to stay in his quarters.

Also, instruct your kids to smother him with kindness. You need to do something to arouse kindness in him. If this doesn’t work, take him assisted living shopping under the guise that he should have a plan in case it doesn’t work out living with you. Hopefully, he will get the hint. Good luck! – Signed, GG

Dear Gabby Gayle: It is vacation time. And I am not a happy camper. We got lucky last year because of the pandemic, and now that things have opened up my husband is planning a vacation.

My husband is a different guy when he gets behind that wheel. God forbid if you need a bathroom stop. “You can go when we get gas!” he says. I have to pack lunches, which we eat while driving! Don’t even suggest stopping to see a landmark. You would think we are on some emergency drive to get someplace in a hurry.

I am at my wits’ end. Vacations are meant to be a time of happiness, relaxation, laughing, seeing the sights. Help! – Signed, KL

Dear KL:  I have a few suggestions:  Refuse to go — and tell him why. You will only go if you can drive and stop whenever the spirit moves you. Tell him you are going on separate vacations from now on.  Buy him a book on bullying.

If all else fails maybe you should consider trading him in? Tongue in cheek.
– Signed, GG