‘Fed-up’ wife should consider trial separation

Black unhappy couple having quarrel at home arguing sitting on sofa in living room at home, husband makes excuses wife refuses listen dont believe him. Cheating, problems, fed up and break up concept

By Gayle Lagman-Creswick

Dear Gabby Gayle: I read your answer to the woman who realized she was in a miserable relationship for 40 years and wanted out. I am in a similar marriage, and I want to leave this miserable man. I talked to my married kids about it, and they are dead set against it. They say, “Mom, it’s too late. Dad won’t know what to do without you.” I say, “What about me?” They said that I am a strong woman and I can manage anything. So, I am supposed to stay put because he won’t know what to do? He is mean enough to manage! Help!

Signed, Fed Up

Dear Fed Up: When your kids were little I’m sure you always knew what was best for them, right? There is a strange thing that happens as we age: Our kids seem to take on that parenting role and think they know what is better for us! As long as you have all your marbles and your thinking process is intact, I feel you should make your own decisions. Perhaps you could do a dry run? Leave him for a month and see how you both feel? He may come to new realizations about his behavior, and you might think misery is better than loneliness? At least it’s worth a try? Let me know what you decide. Good luck and stay strong!

Signed, GG


Dear Gabby Gayle: I have been in a relationship with a guy for about a year. We met on a dating site and communicated for about six months before meeting and began dating. We got along really well. We were just ready to meet each other’s family, when the pandemic hit. We went back to communicating online, and we have really missed each other. He would like to begin dating again, but there is really no place to go in our area because things are still closed. Then he said maybe we should just move in together. I am against that because my family has not met him—although they know about him. I would like your honest opinion about what I should do.

His family knows about me as well. Thank you.

Signed, JJ

Dear JJ: It sounds as if you two must know each other very well by now. While I think moving in together might be a bridge too far right now, I don’t see why you can’t “bring him into your bubble.” Your bubble is the people you associate with on a regular basis, such as family members or close ones. If you bring him into your bubble, he could meet whoever else is in your bubble and you could be let into his bubble—then you could continue to see each other until such a time as you either make the relationship permanent or call it off! I am sure you will make the right decision! Good luck.

Signed, GG


Dear Gabby Gayle: I am writing about my mom, who lives alone. I get so mad at her because she has fallen several times because she won’t consistently use her walker. I’m afraid she will fall and break a hip or worse. She is on blood thinners. When I scold her, she gets mad and accuses me of treating her like a child. Well, she acts like one! Any suggestions?

Signed, Frustrated

Dear Frustrated: You might want to read my answer to the first question in this column. That may give you a little insight. Also, I think sometimes we old people just get tired and don’t care as much about preserving our lives. As my grandfather used to tell me: “You have to die of something!” And we don’t like to be “scolded” by our kids. We changed their diapers and stayed up all night with them when they were sick (and when they stayed out all hours). So, it hurts when they “scold” us. This is when we need lots of love and support. When you can’t make us well, just enjoy us the best you can!

Signed, GG